Food For Thought

2009 July 21 at 4:40 PM (2009, civil rights, GLBTQI rights)

Yesterday, I read Keori’s post on being in a same-sex relationship with an active, closeted servicemember, The other victims of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: the “Silent Partners”. Excerpt:

I’m not only a gay veteran. I’m the partner of an active duty servicemember. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” isn’t just a closet for people like me. It’s a prison cell. It sucks everyone in and slams the bars behind them, shackles us all in manacles attached to the floor. Then an American flag is hung on the wall to cover up the door and muffle the cries coming from inside so the people serving openly won’t be disturbed by us. …

DADT is to me what a lack of UAFA [Uniting American Families Act] is to a binational couple. It means that officially, I do not exist to my Beloved. It means little things, seemingly trivial parts of the closet we are all familiar with. When her fellow troops chat about what they did over the weekend with their spouses and children, she “hung out with friends.” When her command has picnics or other “family days,” she goes alone or not at all. When she receives an award or is promoted, I am not there to smile, take pictures, or pin on her new rank, like other wives are. …

Soon my Beloved will be sent away overseas, to a place I cannot follow her. We will be ripped apart for at least two years. Unlike opposite-sex spouses, I cannot receive command sponsorship to live with her on base. The military will not allow her to keep her family with her when posted overseas. She will not receive separation allowance as compensation for being taken away from her mate. If something happens to her, I will not know unless her family calls me. If something happens to me, she will not be told, or be allowed to come home to be with me, as a spouse would. She will not even be allowed to acknowledge her pain lest it give her away to her chain of command. …

This is our life. It is a unique, bittersweet hell of contradiction.

Today, Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) sent out an email asking her constituents to express support for her three amendments to the defense authorization bill:

Dear [PD],

As Americans, we are so lucky to live in a free country, defended by the brave men and women of our armed forces. We owe them our gratitude, respect, and support for sacrificing so much for us.

That’s why I’ve just introduced new legislation in the Senate that will ease the burden on our military families. My three amendments are being considered, right now, during this week’s debate on the defense authorization bill — and I need your help. …

• Give families with two parents on active duty the option to stagger their overseas combat deployments — so one parent can stay home as the primary caregiver for their children. In addition, after one parent returns, provide a 90-day re-integration period before the other parent is deployed. This amendment is supported by the National Military Family Association.
• Reimburse military families who have to travel more than 50 miles from home in order to receive medical care — down from the current 100-mile requirement. This amendment is supported by the Military Coalition.
• Provide flexible spending accounts for all uniformed service personnel — so military families receive tax breaks for spending on medical expenses and child care. This amendment is supported by the VFW, National Military Family Association, Military Officers Association of America, and other organizations.

  These amendments are the right thing to do for our servicemembers and their families. They do so much to protect us — now it’s time for us to stand up for them.

Military servicemembers and their families make sacrifices in service to the country, there’s no doubt about that. What’s striking is that Keori’s post aligns nearly point for point with Boxer’s amendments in the details of the sacrifices that she and all the other silent partners must make for a military that shuns their open service. The sacrifices are the same but her suffering for them is greater, because they are unacknowledged and she receives no accommodation from her country, no public support from her senators.

Contact your senators and representatives and ask them to support the Military Readiness Enhancement Act (H.R. 1283), the bill to repeal DADT. H.R. 1283 is currently referred to the Subcommittee on Military Personnel. The Servicemembers Legal Defense Network has links for finding your elected officials, and Thomas has a list of H.R. 1283′s current cosponsors. If your representative is a cosponsor, thank her or him for supporting the repeal of DADT. If your representative is not, please urge her or him to support all of our troops and their family members–not just the straight ones.