Ways Not To Talk To Women

2009 October 23 at 3:10 PM (2009, street harassment)

In the same vein as this post on how not to strike up conversations with women, I would like to say:

Dear Creepy Asian-Fetishist Limo Driver,

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET A WOMAN INTO YOUR CAR BY SAYING, “I’LL GIVE YOU A RIDE FOR FREE BECAUSE YOU’RE A PRETTY ASIAN, LADY.”

Do you want to know what response your come-on actually produces? This mental chain:

  1. Ew, what a creep.
  2. Ew, way to reduce me to my ethnic phenotype and Western fantasies about exotic Asian sex kittens.
  3. Ew, way to comment on my body and looks and make me feel extremely uncomfortable, whereas previously I had felt confident in my body and gorgeous and happy to be dressed up for my own pleasure.
  4. Ew, no way am I getting into a car with you, with no guarantee that you’ll keep your hands off and drop me off where I ask, rather than locking the doors and assaulting me, or stalking me around my apartment building once you know where that is.

This limo driver has harassed me twice now, with the result that I no longer try to catch a cab home after the symphony or the opera, because I know that he’s there and that if he sees me without C, he’ll harass me and he won’t take “no” or “leave me alone” for an answer. He’s the reason that I leave out the front door of the opera house and hurry across the street to the bus stand, rather than going out the side exit that passes by the cab queue.

Dear Men,

Street harassment is not acceptable. If it hurts your feelings that you make me feel unsafe, consider that my feelings of fear, anger, and upset are probably way more intense than your temporary feeling of being miffed that you’re not entitled to the smiling attention of every woman in the world.

Sincerely,
PD

2 Comments

  1. TheDeviantE said,

    2009 October 27 at 8:06 AM

    Oh jeez. That’s horrible.

    Reply

    • pizzadiavola said,

      2009 November 3 at 4:08 PM

      One tiny benefit is that my boyfriend was there at the time, and so I got to use it as a teaching moment, explaining that (a) this is what men are like all the time when he’s not around*, that this experience is more typical of my life than the way men leave me alone when we hang out together; (b) how this harassment has a real impact on my ability to walk around freely, and takes a real mental and emotional toll.

      *Although lately, men have been catcalling me even when the +1 and I are in public together, which is unusual.

      Reply

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